Things

I've been feeling really lost lately. I really never had a serious relationship with anyone. Sometimes when people tell me how I've been doing good and how I'm good at this and that, I just drown them out as insincere or motivated by a hidden agenda. My family, particularly my dad, is proud of my acceptance into The Citadel. I am too. Only, they don't realize that nothing has changed in me. People look at me differently, but that's them changing, not me. Although, there might be some minor aspects that changed, my personality, and my ability to do well, hasn't changed. There was a point when everybody was ready to give up on me and disown me and all that negative crap. My mother would tell me everyday how she would've been better off getting an abortion. Yeah, I was sad, but I still had shit to do, and I did it. Now that I achieved something everyone wants to get behind me again, and I feel it's too late. The only person who was there for me when I needed someone was myself. I had nobody to rely on except my own will power. It was sink or swim, and I fucking swam.

Still though, I've always wanted a real woman who can make me feel good, and I've yet to find one. Call me a hopeless romantic, without the romance. I just want an attractive girl who I can sleep with, but will also be my friend when I need one. Everyone is your friend when you're friendly, but when you are down and out, gloom as doom, who cares enough to sit beside you and just share in your despair. For me, it's no one. But there's still hope. I got time. I ain't worried, well I am, but I'm pretty sure I'll find somebody.

Funny side note; I met this girl, and she seems cool, but then I realized she's a moron, and she's only semi-attractive, and that's when I was drinking too. So I think I'm going to just let her do her thing. The sex wasn't too bad, but I'm looking for more than that.

Fuck it! I'm going to Charleston baby!